the drone
by Martin Hayes
first it came in the idea of a big balloon
the way the wind could pick it up
move it across the battlefield
before its cargo being suddenly dropped
First World War Balloon Armed With Incendiary Bombs
then when the wind
got so infuriating and too unpredictable to live with
the propeller was invented
and attached to it, it was easier to guide the balloon
over where it needed to drop its cargo
(a lot of progress tends to happen
so that cargo can be dropped, propelled or deposited)
but the propeller could only make the ballon go forwards
something else needed to be done
if only for when there was still cargo left
and all the creatures on the board game below
hadn’t been killed yet
you could back-track
or swing in a wide arc back around to the target again
to finish them off
and win!
so thrust was invented, I don’t know either
it was something like a big powerful fart
that you could keep coming out of your arse for hours
that’d eventually lift you up off your couch
then spin you uncontrollably around your front room
without needing to use your legs
obviously this wasn’t helpful for the depositing of cargo
or to win a board game match
it needed to be contained and attached to something
which wouldn’t fly around the world depositing its cargo
on just anyone
so the balloon was turned into an aeroplane
that had wings instead of a dumb flat oval like surface like a face
with a basket case of cargo attached to it
which just glided wherever the wind decided to take it
with no care or consideration of the cargo it held
which, let’s face it, was holding everyone up who wanted to get on with the game
and finally fucking end it!
the wings were aerodynamically only 4% less efficent than a pigeon’s
who were well known for being able to deposit their cargo
but the best thing about them
was that they could hold these big round barrels of whirring fire
which could contain then direct the thrust
taking the aeroplane around the world wherever it was needed
before dropping its cargo all over the place
the trouble was
the people on the ground
were getting pretty pissed off with having all of this cargo dropped on them
so why the balloons were being turned into aeroplanes
they were also turning their catapults into rockets
with their own idea of thrust
which normally took around 48,000 of them to die along one strip
before they could launch even one
then one day
after they’d managed to launch one amongst all of the blood and dust
it hit an aeroplane and split it apart in the sky
4 creatures died, one from New Jersey, one from Connecticut, one from New England and one from Alabama
this caused a major news tsunami on the tv channels
and outrage in the provinces
‘men, our men, are being blown out of the sky!’
everyone started to buy all of the bottled water, toilet paper and microwave meals from the supermarkets
in Wisconsin a crowd of people turned up at the local Costco
stole all of their pre-cooked chickens
then torched the gaff
The Reaper Drone Dropping Off Its Cargo Of A Hellfire Missile
and that’s why we now have drones
because the fewer creatures who die on one side
the more creatures you can get away with killing on the other
without risking riots, poll-swings, assassination attempts
or anything else generally considered
as bad publicity
BOOM!
BOOM!
WIN!
WIN!
who knows what the next level of progress will bring
This poem is from a new collection of Martin’s poems called Machine Language, published soon by Smokestack Books
