Image: Public domain
By Tom Sykes
To Jardine, Matheson and Company, Sudder Street, Calcutta, British India
April 7th 1877
We write to express our profound unease that large numbers of our colonised brethren in Bengal are starving to death due to a callous policy of exporting a record quantity of wheat from Calcutta, which might otherwise be used to save these wretched souls. As one of the leading agency houses in the region are you not in the least vexed about profiting from death on an enormous scale? God have mercy upon your souls.
Yours,
Some concerned citizens
Reply:
Jardine, Matheson and Company conducts itself ethically and responsibly because it takes its obligations under the laws of the British Empire very seriously. The regrettable circumstances of which you write are unavoidable; as our Viceroy Lord Lytton has said, ‘markets must be left to work themselves out’ and ‘interference of any kind … with the object of reducing the price of food’ would go against Nature herself and only lead to worse problems for our colonised brethren. That said, Jardine, Matheson and Company are not without Christian decency and so have funded the establishment of several camps where the benighted Bengalis can come and work honestly for rations comprising a few hundred calories a day. This is all they need, for they are physically and spiritually different to you and I.
We also note with sadness that, instead of working hard and putting food on the tables of their families, the Bengalis have been preoccupied with fantasies of self-determination and aggressing against the British governments. We trust you agree that this is so much codswallop and nincompoopitude.
Yours etc.
To Carl Byoir and Associates Public Relations Agency, Fifth Avenue, New York
January 5th, 1934
We fear that your company’s contract with the German Railroads Information Bureau is little more than an attempt to launder the reputation of Europe’s most oppressive government led by one Adolf Hitler. Herr Hitler has suspended freedom of speech, press and assembly in his country. He is detaining political opponents without trial. Last March he opened a camp called Dachau where we fear he will incarcerate his enemies – or do worse to them. The Nazis have already implemented a boycott of Jewish businesses and removed Jews from their positions at universities, the judiciary and the civil service. Some have been the victims of political murder. Please reassure us that Carl Byoir and Associates will not be complicit in these horrors.
Yours,
Some concerned citizens
Reply:
Carl Byoir and Associates conducts itself ethically and responsibly because it takes its obligations under the laws of the United States very seriously. As a business concern hired to perform a job of work in a foreign country it would not be appropriate for us to pass judgement on the domestic affairs of a sovereign nation led by the democratically elected government of Herr Hitler. We would however point out that, while Germany has seen some momentous changes lately, events have, to some degree, been misrepresented in the American press. Germany has a right to defend herself against enemies within and without – let us recall that the United States, too, has had its own problems with aggressive minorities. These necessitated the development of our Jim Crow Laws, which the Germans are adapting for their own needs. Herr Hitler’s government is also putting into practice techniques for social cohesion that originated in the US: the segregation and sterilisation of the weak and feeble, to name one. In addition, our humane method of executing miscreants with Zyklon-B gas has been licensed to IG Farben of Berlin.
Along with IBM, Standard Oil, General Motors, Ford and Chase Manhattan Bank, Carl Byoir and Associates is proud to be helping Germany rise again as an economic power and re-join the ranks of great nations. We trust you agree that this must be a positive way forward for both the United States and Germany.
Yours, etc.
To BAE Systems, Samlesbury Aerodrome, Lancashire
12th April 2026
We write to express our profound opposition to your company manufacturing essential parts of F-35 jets that are being used to commit genocide against the Gazan people. Apparently, there are regimes in the world to whom you would not supply arms, but your decision to arm Israel strongly suggests that you regard Palestinians and Lebanese as somewhat less than human. How do you sleep at night?
Yours,
Some concerned citizens
Reply:
BAE Systems conducts itself ethically and responsibly because it takes its obligations under both British and international law very seriously. While it would be inappropriate for us to comment on the situation in the Middle East, the suffering on both sides is regrettable and we’re sure you’ll agree that Israel has the right to defend itself against terrorist aggressors. We’re not the only ones: all your favourite brands from McDonald’s to Coca-Cola, Barclays to Sodastream, are playing their part too. And by supporting the security of Israel, BAE Systems is supporting the security of Britain and the rest of the globe against those terrorist aggressors. That is how our interconnected world works today. We’re no longer living in some imperial age where might is right and the little people lose out. We’re all in it together now!
Yours, etc.
Protesters outside a BAE plant. Photo credits: thedefensepost.com
