President Donald Trump
By Lizzie Eldridge
Thank God our great nation
isn’t governed by those
Islamic fundamentalists,
religious fanatics,
Jihadists who idolise suicide belts
in their barbaric lust for an un-Holy War.
Our wars are reverentially Christian.
Our President is chosen by our God
and we close our eyes
in ecstatic devotion
as we lift up the arms of our Leader,
our sacred cow bathed in an orange glow,
and we pray, oh Lord, for your continued blessing
and favour to rest upon Him
and upon the golden chains around
the fleshy folds of his flabby noble wrist.
We don’t turn to Paradise.
We don’t lie prostrate and plead to Allah.
Your virgins are there for our taking.
We pray to God to give us everything we crave.
We pray, oh Lord, for your wisdom from Heaven
to fall on our President’s pure heart,
which tenderly seeks to grab pussy.
We pray to our one true almighty God
to spray blessings all over
his astute and unfaltering mind.
We pray, Lord, that you will guide
this intellectual Titan
in these challenging times we are facing today.
Oh, God, our Father, apocalyptic harbinger,
we pray for your grace and your protection over Him.
We pray for your grace and your protection over our troops
and all our men and women serving in our armed forces
as they drop bombs on tiny children,
the unsavoury offspring of Satanic semen,
and thus, not even worthy of rape.
We just pray to the Lord Almighty
that you continue to give
our President the strength that He needs to lead
our great nation as we come back
to one nation
under God.
In the name of the white Christian fathers,
the money-laundering son
and Epstein’s ghost,
may thy will,
our will,
be done.
